Just Another Day

Here I am. I suppose that is good. That's what they say. 

But why?

There has to be a reason that being here is better than not being here? What is it? A good deal of the time I don't want to be here. Let's just say that I am faulty (because that is what I am told anyways... and I do feel this as well). I am here for and by the will of others (more than myself).

I am told that suicide is selfish. With that I can agree. It would be taking something away from people... something that they deeply care about (some people). But isn't it true that they are also taking something away from me by making me exist. This life is painful. Not always, but at times is pure anguish. I have obtained good treatment that has helped at times, but another good portion of time life is truly hell. 

If we are talking about a purely mathematical equation, then obviously they win. The betterment of more is greater than one. But does that actually make it right?

I am NOT suicidal today. I just want to have an honest discussion with someone (or everyone) about what is truly correct. 

Many of my lines of thought have been considered aberrant over the years. Is my thinking logical or aberrant rubbish?